This question comes up all the time in individual and group therapy sessions. There is a great worry that sharing shame and our feelings about our shame will deepen the feelings and perhaps “send us over the edge.” Pretty frightening!
However, from my personal and professional experience I know that when I share a worry, concern, embarrassment, shame, or guilt with someone who has earned the right to my confidence, that feeling or belief seems more acceptable, human and normal. It seems smaller, more manageable and more modifiable.
I know that keeping a secret about a thought, feeling or deed that I believe to be shameful only serves to amplify the shame and the sense that there is something wrong about me. I know that sharing that shame with someone who deserves to hear about it, makes it “smaller”.
I emphasize, “sharing with someone who deserves your confidence”. This is someone who loves you, supports you, shares himself/herself with you, and will keep confidences, confidential.
For more about shame and sharing with a person who deserves your confidence I recommend that you check out Brene Brown’s writings and Youtube talks. www.brenebrown.com